You just made me feel so damn special
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
