On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
