do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
