2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
