It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
