Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
