well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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