Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
