you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
