Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
