shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
