just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
