fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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