I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
