I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
