Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
