Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
