Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
