Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
