Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
