this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
