I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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