i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
