Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
