Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
