I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
