I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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