I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
