I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
