omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
