the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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