Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
