I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
