the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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