I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
