By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
