dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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