Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
