So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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