did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
