using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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