Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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