i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
