how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize