I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
