my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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