He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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