He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
