i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
