I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
