We're facebook friends in real life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
