I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
