He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
