smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
