He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
