did you get engaged???
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
