textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
