God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
