last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
