hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
