..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
