Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize