two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
