Non-Jews are for practice
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
