brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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