so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
