no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
