your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
