just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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