Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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