Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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