If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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