Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
