Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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